When Home is The First Place I Missed

When Home is The First Place I Missed (When I was Traveling Somewhere)

Ketika Rumah Menjadi Hal Pertama Yang Kurindukan(Ketika Sedang Bepergian)

(source picture : zerochan)

18/06/2016

Bogor

Yah kali ini gue cuma mau sharing aja sih, mumpung sempat hehe. Mungkin ga kayak postingan gue sebelumnya, mungkin ini sedikit -malah lebih- tidak penting, tapi disini gue cuman mau ajak kalian pada obrolan tak penting (antara saya selaku author dan tentunya kalian selaku readers) sekedar sambil sedikit merenung. Hehe. Ngomong-ngomong yang ini agak spesial, gue bikin posting ini bilingual. /Nah loh, makin ga penting kan.. 

Well, this time I just wanted to share something with you, while I can, teehee. Perhaps... unlike my previous posts, maybe it's a bit -in fact, more- unimportant (I don't want to call it useles cuz it's a bit hurt for me, although it's true) but here I'd like to invite you to some unimportant chat (between me as author and of course you as readers) while doing some little reflection/? heehe. By the way, this one is rather special because I will turn this post to bilingual post. /See, it's getting more unimportant.

Jadi... apa yang kalian lakukan kalau lagi kangen rumah? Nelpon sambil nangis-nangis? Curhat? Atau jangan-jangan malah ngambek minta pulang. Haish... Enggak lah ya pasti. Kangen orang kan beda-beda, begitu pula cara mengekspresikannya. Kalau gue sih, mungkin gue bakal bilang aja kalau gue kangen rumah, tapi itu kalau kepepet atau yah.. sebut aja iseng pingin tau respon mereka aja. /beda kali!/ Tapi terlepas itu, biasanya gue jadi tiba-tiba mikir seribu bintang/? eh, cuman mikir, ya mikir....! Entah gimana ngejelasinnya.

So... what do you do when you feel like missing home? Call your family while crying out loud? Telling your friends? Or could it be you'd feel very upset that you even ask to go home? Ish.. Well, of course not, right? People have different level of homesick, so does the way they express it. If it's me, guess I'll just go tell them how I really miss them, that if I'm on a certain condition which.. oh well... umm... let's say it like I just want to know their responses. /it's different, duh!/ But usually I would've start thinking about a thousand stars/? eh? no, of course not, it's just thinking, yup just thinking about something! I wonder how to explain it.

Ceritanya begini... beberapa hari yang lalu gue berangkat dari rumah menuju Bogor (ke rumah sepupu gue) dalam rangka mau ikut tes UTM IPB (iya, gue dalam kondisi transisi dari siswa menuju mahasiswa). Entah demi apa gue berani ikut tes macam ini, pasalnya pas gue lihat peserta lain yang pada serius-serius itu gue jadi minder sendiri. Satu banding sekian ratus atau ribu dan gue ini apa? Cuma bocah nyasar ke kota orang yang mungkin saja ga bisa balik ke kampung asalnya kalau gak ditemenin pakdhenya. Iya, modal utama gue cuman berdoa sama berusaha, udah gitu aja. Eh, sama mencoba positive thinking aja sih

Here begin the story... few days ago I depart from my hometown to Bogor (to my cousin's house) just to attend UTM IPB (yup, I'm in a transition from a high-schooler to a college student). I don't even know what makes me so brave enough to take such test. The thing is, when I see other participants I feel like becoming nervous all of sudden. Y'know, one to hundreds or perhaps thousands participants and just who am I? I'm just a lost child lost in other city who might not even be able to find her way home if it's not because her uncle's taking care. Well yes, I only have my effort and hope/pray to begin with, also trying to keep the positive thinking.

Pertama kali nyampe di rumah sepupu gue, awalnya gue baik-baik saja. Tapi begitu sampai di kamar (di atas) gue langsung diem seketika. "Yah, gue kok jadi kangen rumah." Batin gue. Kalau umur manusia 63 tahun, maka 2/7 umur gue selama ini gue habisin bareng keluarga gue. Itu pun gue yakin gak full-full amat. Lalu mendadak.. oh iya, endingnya gue bakal hidup sendiri. Dan entah kenapa semua itu terus berulang di kepala kayak kaset rusak "hidup sendiri... hidup sendiri..." gue juga ga tau kenapa mendadak baper sendiri. Ngapain resah coba, orang endingnya kita kalau mati sendiri. Yang nemenin siapa? Ya amalan kita sendiri lah.

First time arrive at my cousin's house, I'm actually feeling okay like nothing happened. But when I go to my room (upstair) I just can't do anything but being speechless. "Huh, how come I suddenly missed my home so much." I thought to myself. If human's life is until 63 y.o. then I've been spending my 2/7 of my age to live with my family. That of course I believe not actually to the fullest. Then suddenly I realized, "That's right, in the end I'll simply live my own life just like the baby birds that finally leaving their nest to start their own journey." And somehow that 'live alone' thing keeps repeating inside of my head like a broken tape. "live alone... live your own..." I don't know how come I became so melodramatic all of sudden. Why would I feel restless anyway, when in the end when we die, we will be burried alone. Whose going to accompany us? None else but our deed, of course.

Pertama kalinya bagiku untuk serindu itu sama rumah. Disinilah ketika tiba-tiba pertanyaan mendasar ini masuk ke kepala tanpa ketok pintu/? Apa sih yang gue rinduin dari rumah? Rumahnya? Orangnya? Suasananya? Apakah akan terasa sama kalau aku bertemu orangnya tapi tidak di bangunannya? Apakah tidak apa-apa kalau aku berada di bangunannya tapi tidak bertemu orangnya? Bagaimana kalau aku bertemu keduanya tapi tidak di suasana yang kuinginkan? Mungkin terdengar serakah, tapi kalau boleh kujawab aku rindu semuanya. Toh, apa salahnya kalau orang kangen? Lagipula 2/7 (kalau umur manusia 63) hidupku sudah kujalani bersama mereka disana.

It's the first time for me for ever missing home this much. So here is where this basic question suddenly pop out in my head. What about home that I missed so much? The building? The people? Or was it just the atmosphere? Will it feel the same if I met the person but not in the house? Is it alright if I visit the building but didn't meet the person? What if I met the two condition but didn't get the atmosphere I wanted? It might sounds greedy, but I'll say I miss all of them. Nothing's wrong with that, right? After all, I've spent 2/7 (if human's life is 63 years) of my life with them.

Kalau dipikir-pikir, aku rindu orang-orang yang pernah singgah di hidupku (teman-teman, sahabat, keluarga, kamu...iya kamu... makasih ya udah mampir ke postingan gak penting ini), dia yang kuketahui namanya tapi tak dapat kujumpai sekarang (Muhammad SAW), Dia yang paling kurindukan yakni yang meniupkan roh pada tubuhku... Allah SWT. Merekalah rumahku, sebab mereka yang menyayangiku, mereka yang ingin kutuju, mereka yang ingin kutemui jika aku ditakdirkan di surga kelak. Kuharap... Haaa... kenapa jadi ngomongin kematian, nanti bapernya malah kemana-mana lagi-___-

Now that I think about it, I miss all of them who ever step into my life and make it colorful (friends, best friends, family, you.. yes you.. you who read this), he whose onlyhis name I know but I never once met (Muhammad SAW), He I really really want to meet.. He is Allah, the one who gave me life. I guess they're my home, because they're the one who love me so dearly, they who share each other's existence, they who I'd like to go to, they who I really want to meet in heaven (if I was meant to be in heaven). I hope... Arrgh,,, why are we talking aout deaths?! This melodramatic session will keep going if we don't stop now.-_______-

Perasaan rindu itu unik ya? Datangnya mendadak, tak tampak tapi nyata, perasaan antara terharu dan sedih, perasaan yang kau tahu kau ingin melihat kembali sesuatu yang berharga itu tapi tak dapat melakukannya dan kadang kau cukup puas hanya dengan mengenangnya.

Longing for something is truly a unique feeling, isn't it? It comes uninvited, it can't be seen but you know it's real, a feeling either sad or moved, the kind of feeling when you wanted to see something so dearly again but unable to do it and you'd sometime feel sastified just by remembering.